So Many Possibilities

I'm just feeling a bit confused at the moment. There are so many directions my life could take, and none of them stand out as 'the right one'. But first, some context.

I was dragged into my current job, kicking and screaming (metaphorically, of course). I had a few ideals of my dream first real job, and this one was the exact opposite. I wanted to stay in the city where I was living at the time, I wanted to teach classroom music at a high school. I ended up getting posted in another town 5 hours away, far too close to my parents, teaching at a primary school and singing teaching at a high school. The funny thing was, I loved it, and I still do. Except for the fact I'm meant to be writing the students' reports at the moment, I usually can't believe I get paid to have so much fun! However, I'm still doing a hodge-podge of different positions (3 jobs at 4 schools to be precise), none of which are permanent, and they don't add up to a full-time workload (although, that's probably a positive. I love my 3 day weekends!)

A few weeks ago, I was talking to the teacher in charge of music at one of the schools where I work. Let's call her Miranda music teacher. Miranda has been a fantastic, albeit unofficial mentor since I started working. She's planning to retire at the end of next year, and was talking to me about the possibility of me taking over her position. That would be a full time role in the same town where I'm living now. However, that means I couldn't keep going with the singing and percussion teaching that I'm doing now, which I love doing. The instrumental teaching is only 2 1/2 days per week at the moment, but I inherited two very small programmes, which have been growing since I've been here, so it could increase to three or four days a week over the next few years very easily. I also work one day a week at a primary school that really needs a full time music specialist (that they claim the budget won't cover!) In a lot of ways, although I find primary classroom work more stressful, I see it as being more important than the instrumental work. So arguing my way into a full-time position at that school is another possibility. I've also been head-hunted by both the Christian schools in town, who heard on the grapevine that there was an underemployed music teacher living in their midst. Overall, the biggest consideration is how long I want to stay in town, and why I'm deciding to stay.

It always takes me a while to settle into a new town, but I'm starting to feel like I've made it here. I've found a great church, made a lot of close friends, and have found things to do in the evenings besides watching TV. And now that I've moved out of home (again), even living in the same town as my parents is a positive thing about being here. There are still a lot of things that I miss about my old city, but each time I go back for a visit, I find that I've drifted out of the loop a little bit further. Essentially there are two tangible things keeping me here. When I think about it, both of them are pretty stupid things to base major life decisions upon.

The first is my students. As an instrumental teacher, I teach the same kids over long periods of time, rather than getting new ones each year or semester. Part of me wants to see my first crop of year 8s through to year 12, and see what my choir is like when it's full of kids I've been teaching for five years instead of one.

The other is Garry. Yes, as in Garry the guy-I-kinda-like. We get along really well. He's a fun person to hang around with. I feel I can just be myself with him, and conversation just flows. However, he's never given me any indication that he wants to be anything more than friends. And I'm being the good little Christian woman who kissed dating goodbye and is just waiting for him to pursue me. (Actully, I never kissed dating goodbye, dating has never really said 'howdy'.) See how ridiculous it is, for me to base decisions upon a relationship that maybe potentially could possibly happen in the distant future!

So what do I do? Do I hang around here in one or more of any number of jobs, loving life but somewhat stagnating? Or do I venture forth in search of new horizons? Do I passively wait for Garry to figure out where things stand between us, or do I declare undying love for him, secure in the knowledge that if everything goes horribly wrong, the UK worker's visa application doesn't take too long :P

Sorry about the long-winded whinge, anonymous internet traffic, and thankyou for listening. I'll try to make sure the next post is significantly sunnier.